Tuesday, November 30, 2010

sensitively strong --- poetry 2010

Never thought I'd find Sudoku
puzzles fun but my brain enjoys them.
Got me through the surgery recovery...
so into gray matter, lost in numbers,
ignoring discomfort, solving a riddle.
Thought I’d get so much accomplished;
mesmerized in unholy discomfort, I
whiled away days numb and still…
Someday I will be old, forget all my
passwords, and go off line forever.
Maybe not a triumphant exit: my art
gracing museums or my poems
filling a thousand page anthology.
Want you to know that I did my best
with what came my way,
intentional or circumstantial;
with the information gained,
deliberate or round about route;
with the technical skills learned,
hands on or do-it-yourself play;
with finally following my dreams,
muse directed and inspired…
all of the above wove a quirky creative
determined, fragile, person anyway…


Flu -- Poetry 2010

Recycling information… she was so good at that; she
didn’t gossip, just selectively passed on what she heard.
Of course – not all the time, just on warranted occasions...
It's all been said before anyway… that was her rational.
She had the decency to clean it up first, sort for importance,
save it for the most appropriate opportunity; she could
make the juicy tidbit more sustainable to continue living…
It was her public service to keep everyone enlightened.

This was just the beginning… she needed someone to whip
up some magical elixir; other wise she was tempted to drink
heavily, figuring it would either cure her symptoms or she
wouldn't give a damn… her chest hurts when she breathed;
joints ached; chills, no appetite, no focus - so much to do.
Super lame, crawling back to bed, is this supposed to be
Ashley’s spell? Her ears rang with maniacal laughter…
It could be! But Ashley said I would KNOW at the time that
it was her doing when it happened …

It never even crossed her fevered mind until a friend’s
checking-in-phone call mentioned the cast curse…
In denial, she was thinking the get-even spell was awaiting
her somewhere in the near future – this was the flu…
coroner’s report stated… complications from pneumonia.


Sunday, November 28, 2010

Holiday Shopping -- Poetry 2010

running around
using up a ton of energy
busy day
getting things done
focused day
needing harder focus
checking off the gift list
not afraid to look one
another in the eye
then shoot... well, grab faster;
she's dying or you’re dying
because she grabbed the last one…
squinting her best dare you intimation,
she races her cart to the finish line.
Woefully staring at an empty shelf,
mumbling about if only and always
best to aim at your target first,
you slowly push the cart to check out –
Hallelujah! Doing the happy dance!
Her credit card is maxed out;
gleefully you check off The Gift…


Subtle Shift -- Poetry 2010

Solstice, nexus of light,
rewards sensitive adherents
less darkness every day.
Lodestar shifts; Orion moves
high in night sky; constellations
orbit closer to spring positions…
snow is really charming the first
storm wow, you're really pretty!
but like company and fish that
linger too long… you remember
Oh yeah, you're cold and caused
a lot of trouble with each roaring storm.
Waiting for sound of peepers and
I'll be so happy when snow is finally gone...


Saturday, November 27, 2010

Christmas Specials -- Poetry 2010

Christmas music inundates
the airwaves; cable television is ripe
with themed movies and specials…
No getting away from it unless
all electronic media are mute.
Thankful for an off button, she
picked the chicken carcass clean;
the broth was cooling down…
content not to waste this extra
benefit of a consumed whole fowl.
The dogs crowded her movements…
No rush to December 25th for her,
most of the family had passed over –
hence the baked chicken not turkey;
cousins her age had spread in the four
directions after the elders died…
time and distance made for new
traditions, keeping it simple… but a
semi-funk made its appearance
all week; along with just about
everyone she knew. Some very odd
energy bouncing around out there
right now fed on assumptions, expectations,
memories – good or bad - of past holidays.
Time to reel in rampant emotions before a
monster tsunami of indulgent despondency
scourers her raw… life is what it is….
Who’s sitting for chicken tidbits – good dogs!


Thursday, November 25, 2010

Sinus Regrets -- Poetry 2010

Stuffed in back of mind
jarred loose by a strong sneeze
regrets rose with her fever…
Seeping into consciousness
amid moans and groans,
damn cold laid her low.
Without a normal workload
filling her head with distractions,
lament nagged and nagged
producing ache of unfinished
projects, miscommunication,
interesting choices… especially
marrying that jerk as slimy as this
mucus filling Kleenex after Kleenex…
feverish dreams offered little respite.
Blocked sinus, coughs racking,
drool puddles on her pillow, she
grabbed pen and paper to extricate
that snot once and for all…


November’s Full Moon -- Poetry 2010

The snow muffles the usual persistent
road noise; I can hear myself thinking.
It's the simple things in life...
beautiful full moon rising on this icy evening…
came up behind the tall fir trees; shivering
bamboo bends gracefully toward the ground
under the weight of snow… ice coats shrubs,
trees in the 22 degree landscape outside
my window building an intersection of
fractured light; a mystical space where all
the best circles overlap prism upon prism…
calm and peaceful attitude blankets
the mini dazzling world covering the scars,
piles and things undone in my yard...


Wednesday, November 24, 2010

Ode to Days that Suck -- Poetry 2010

Sometimes it just sucks.
How many ways to disclaim
the power of a sour day when forced to
raise a white flag, to hide in a closet,
to use a forehead as a hammer…
Perspective, no matter how positive,
is not going to change the suck.
The suck just has to suck until it
cannot suck any more. There are
higher roads but all the sayings,
all the pills or other substances only
dredge a coating of feel better today.
Acknowledging the suck;
celebrate the suck; salute the suck…
Analyze, aggrandize and adore the suck.
Then go to bed and hope the suck
doesn't last the night. The suck isn't
rational; you can't think it away;
you have to feel your way through it.
Yep, sometimes ya just gotta lay back
and have a nice long soak in the suck…


Tuesday, November 23, 2010

First Low Land Snow -- Poetry 2010

Tiny but relentless flakes are falling;
first low land snow came forcing
childhood reminiscence… trees
jumping out in front of her sled;
sledding headfirst into a brier patch;
standing up in time to get hit with
rock filled snowballs via her brother…
nose bleeds and plenty of red snow.
Better memories of playing outside
with her now grown kids… fun times:
inner tube sliding, ice skating, winter
picnics, snow forts, skiing, fireside reading
lost to faded photos, time and distance.

Rain not falling but freezing as Canadian
winds roar South. Gravity took effect
later due to lack of sanding or plowing:
brought her a day off from work, she
needed the pay; no panic attacks about
having to drive in it; her car was in repair.
her emotional reaction: magic - water to ice…
huge flakes against night sky, stars falling
to earth temporarily rest – grounded,
reflecting crystalline dreams back in time…


Monday, November 22, 2010

Step Back -- Poetry 2010

Finally in a better mood today
then she was yesterday;
suffered every minute
stretching over the last few;
retail therapy works, can't go
wrong spending some money…
if she had any to spare.
Going to the mall anyway,
people watching factor is
high this time of the year;
comfortably sitting, she settled
in with her sketchpad on lap.
Seeking rounded forms, pencil
rolls forming contours: faces,
trunks, moving limbs…
Time to grow up… a lot of
wisdom in just a few minutes:
imagination creates reality.
Believe it… but if she wasn’t
careful, it can create delusions too.
Taking a step back to think a little
more, she felt somewhat better
locking out naysayers and noise pollution…


1-800 – too-frugal -- Poetry 2010

Was there a 1-800 number
for good tidings?
Adjusting her scarf,
removing her gloves,
she pushed up coat sleeves
to rinse her dishes…

too frugal
polite for poor as dirt
conserving on heat
conserving on water
financially challenged
clothing layers repel cold
inside as raw as outside

What star was she born under?
Was it tarnished, faded, lacking energy
from eons of expending its fuel?
Certainly it had worn out its bright
guidance system refusing her wishes…

She didn’t own an eraser to
make way for a new equation
with these scrap paper musings.
Less sad; more scared of loosing
the few things she treasured.
Her mind somersaults as snowflakes
tumble in soft gray ether; enthralled
seeing white light brought into her
dark world in the form of snow crystals…


Impatient -- Poetry 2010

Aura faded into soft clouds,
the moon ring rainbow kept
steady pace with her footsteps.
Failing to alleviate a heavy heart,
she gave her dogs their lead and
robotically dragged behind them…
Polar opposite of their perspective,
she mindlessly watched them
dart and dash invigorated by scents,
alerted by night sounds and movement.
Impatient, she hurried their business
longing for sleep to end this day.


Saturday, November 20, 2010

knock on wood -- Poetry 2010

You can’t sit down in this house
without a cat on your lap -
classic… and a little frightening
if you want to remain furless
but maybe that is the point
beyond your control. Once inside -
you’ll be enveloped in the most
casual multi- colored coat;
stop keeping count when you
pluck the hair free, it’s useless.
People think I'm lazy…
so serious and menacing, they
carry their “should”s inside
leaving them to stray in my house
and feed on my art time fuel
in order to conform to cleanliness,
in order to conform to normal hours…
Leaving them in smoke and ashes with
percolator on the stove, this night owl
hunts creative visions in solitude…


Friday, November 19, 2010

Rain Break -- Poetry 2010

Pedaling midnight streets
off key singing drifted
into bitter cold night.
Bicycle tires whirled
rhythmically across fallen
leaves, fir needles,
puddles of moon…
was her tune for bravery
keeping the bad at bay
or was she like me
relishing circuitous
break in rain while
splashing through starlight.
Feeling winter’s tart kiss,
our souls moving in synch
sleepless and wandering
one on foot, one on wheels…


Aging Mantra -- Poetry 2010

I'll be better when I am older,
and I will be better when I am older.
Mantra of her years…
gazing at wrinkled exterior -
Where was the exuberance of youth?
Staring at result of waiting…
without a clearer picture of the future;
without excitement about some new plans;
without an eon to get it right.
no one else can see
no one else can feel
self consumed her flame died
drowned out at sea anchored by better
while waiting for older…
Sun still hiding a bit. Big dark clouds
sweep across the sky and a heavy
wind comes down the hill…
balanced on bridge railing, her coat
a billowing sail, she sighed…
Take me into forever
free falling through time
free falling through space
free falling to decrepitude


“my” -- Poetry 2010

possessive my…
my this or that:
things labeled mine
people labeled mine
disease labeled mine
work, home labeled mine

zero labels needed for
my husband, boyfriend,
significant other…
complexities confusion:
why is this important?

my time alone…
my words
my vision
my cats don't believe me
cuddled in long night


Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Perusal -- Poetry 2010

Rockin' and rolling all night long: wind,
power outage, then the earthquake
which rattled the bed that she was still
sleeping in at 7:50 am… now she was not in the
mood to do anything; she had time change lag…
feeling low energy today, tethered to the sofa,
soaked in digital media, she has yet to fully clean
the kitchen after last night's culinary tornado
and latent power outage fiasco…
so enthralled by a movie as to feel she was
walking in the steps of the main character…
she drifted off to sleep stepping into the screenplay.

Her guy was in the hot tub, it was apparent they were
in a relationship but it wasn’t “Facebook” official.
“This October is very special’, he said. “It has five Fridays,
five Saturdays, and five Sundays all in one month. This
happens once in 823 years.”
Does that mean it doesn't count?
There was a little tattoo on her butt and he playfully traced
it with his finger; it was one of her totem animals – a turtle.
Your creative energy fuels and inspires me. Love you.
“You need to stop your time-traveling” he murmured
into her ear. “Hard on the chromosomes.”
There must be something in the sun….
Ouffff… the cat snapped her awake with kneading claws…


Fond of her Beanery -- Poetry 2010

Grateful for the quantity
and the quality of her magic beans...
the beanery was her way
of staying positive.
Known to sing beans,
beans the magical fruit...
of course off key as possible,
she made a chaotic world better
which carried over to her
kith, kin, friends… filling requests
when others needed to borrow some magic;
especially if their supply had run away
from home and didn't even leave a note…
or if weevils and beetles did their thing.
Some querulous office workers were
overheard discussing: wait beans aren't fruit…
right, they’re legumes…
people make an issue out of the dumbest
events; this group seems to be lost in being
seriously stressed - they lost the childish
spontaneity of being silly…
she wondered how many more times
she will need to sing, Beans, Beans
the Magical Fruit before they’d loosen up….


Cutlery -- Poetry 2010

That didn't go as well as she'd hoped…
She wondered if anyone noticed
the fine set of cutlery she wore
the rest of the afternoon. Derailing
risky comments, she relied on her quirky
sense of humor rumbling in her mind–
Its all the rage to have the handles
of sharp metal objects protruding from your
back.. Oh yes, without it you are nothing
and totally unfashionable!
Determined to stay focused… it was intense
but in a growing sort of way. Integrity and trust
were ingrained in her core; she was less willing
to trust someone too quickly especially as she
got older. Don't be a fool. Just fool them all.
Find greener pastures without waiting around…
later they would appreciate her efforts… she was
so done with this good will volunteering; looking
for introversion, avoiding people normally reduced
the amount of silverware protruding from her back…
those cutlery handles aren't even good for hanging
art work up to dry - too hard to reach!
Maybe I should do some yoga…


Gems -- Poetry 2010

seeping in spiritual
benefits of not
dwelling on misfortune
until it blots out the sun…
I hide in my creativity cave
amazed at new possibilities.
or losing my marbles
or both…
excited tingly feeling
intrigued with wonder
about these new givens.
getting past all yesterdays
to see beautiful gems…
knowledge and experience
are pure treasures
forming depth to my soul…


Saturday, November 13, 2010

Split Personality -- Poetry 2010

Over the years I’ve split
from being up early in the morning by choice:
I used to love the quiet time just before sunrise,
watching the first rays of sun illuminate the landscape;
I enjoyed the cool of summer mornings and the
frost on the trees in winter… those days are gone -
no longer a super duper happy folk in the morning.

Over the years I’ve turned
night owlish staying up late by choice…
I love the quiet time seeped in darkness covering
the landscape and distractions – the sense of space,
of loneliness, of life in the raw with the desk lamp circle
my connection to inspiration’s light.


Friday, November 12, 2010

Kinda -- Poetry 2010

Well, unless we count
carriers of the light…
it means you only "kinda" have a soul.
For centuries you might have been considered
above it all, withdrawn, above reproach
but this time your hearts too big, too accessible,
easily impaled on fate barbs from the route.
Do you realize things you might want to do
in the future; ordinary extraordinary things -
cuz people know your adrift-alone style…
Worrying that you’re sinkin’ below the sea
with no pail and a leaky voice…
tide slides in and out routinely
waxing waning moon cycles
stuck with smiles genuine and pale
you shift others outside yourself
speaking softly afraid to ever again say
I love you…


Thursday, November 11, 2010

Stories -- Poetry 2010

Making up stories
of stars, moon and night skies
Rotations cycle life measurable
by arbitrary units of day
Divided into light and dark
Routine movement
scheduled to death
Relinquishing words
conveying aspirations lost,
Discouragement found
Overcoming adversity
Giving in to emotions
Kneeling on words
Expressing meanings
important to storm clouds
rainbows and pain
Shinning days filled
with cool warmth
General dance of time…
Until old and bent
living in imagination,
depleted of memories,
sinking physically into self,
rising no longer to dream…


Dawn’s Breaking -- Poetry 2010

Coming up out of darkness
pulled by heart with dawn’s breaking,
dreams sink into the pillow hollow
still warm from distorted visions
impressed upon its collapsed filling.
Eyes roam familiar manifestation;
another day presses onto consciousness
pushing night’s residue out of mind.
Same thoughts, same excuses,
sinking feeling of ongoing failure;
Fear smiles down upon its creation
empowered by residual rosary
of I can’t, I can’t, I can’t….


Wednesday, November 10, 2010

Liberated Mistress -- Poetry 2010

Fingertips raw, splintered nails…
exhausted masterpiece exhibits
sweet sorrow of bitter loves pain
inscribed in oil and her blood.
Working through the night,
harsh insight put to blank canvas;
tainted promises scratched into
thick acrylic permanence, washed
with transparent thinned oil that
gave depth and resonance
to this broken affair…
Far too much Medieval Art and Sacred
Geometry was crammed into her head
to be stuck in departure despair.
His frivolous image frozen in place…
the centerpiece for an upcoming
solo show entitled Liberated Mistress…


Tuesday, November 9, 2010

Sleep In -- Poetry 2010

dreary day
drifting doze
too many late nights
eyes and pixels locked
sinking into screen
relentless mind
dissuades dreams
longing for REM
sleeping vessel
tangled covers…
tossing into today
body needs rest
bleary eyed
sleeping in…


Monday, November 8, 2010

Loud -- Poetry 2010

The sun was very loud today
in-between grey shrouded cumulus
speeding in from the ocean - a white
to black intense value scale pouring East.
Simmerin' soup to suit the rain season;
chopped vegetables wait to be added
to the cast iron kettle bubbling it’s contents
of dried beans, tomatoes and seasoning.
Outside in the yard, the layers of leaves
rest on mulched garden adding to the
stacked decomposing nutrient sandwich.
Cats sleep curled on heat registers;
furnace rumbles a steady hum matching
an occasional burst of snore purring.
Oh, seems around here, sunshine is too
fleeting but this morning my desk resounds
brightly; collage papers bask in natural
light, scissors gleam, glue glows…
It would really help me out if a biscuit
and juice would magically appear so I
could keep working in the rare sunlight….


Sunday, November 7, 2010

Outage -- Poetry 2010

Bright pin points – star light
lacking street lamp interference…
last of ragged storms clouds head
East exposing fall’s constellations.
Spilling from darkened abodes,
neighbors take to the night…
flashlight fireflies on a November eve;
shadow forms trailing steady puffs
of breathe advance on a street corner –
informal gab fest containing muted
voices, laughter and shared stories…
standing under pristine starlit cosmos
until electric power returns; restored
normalcy rapidly sends residents
scurrying behind closed doors… lamp
light interferes with majestic night skies.


Odd -- Poetry 2010

Fleeting angst
split mind
turning orderly world
fetid, grizzled gray,
dim, dull, damn
blackened thoughts

Positive forces
vaporized insanity
without shedding tears
without forming a sound
regaining control
reestablishing harmony

How odd…
swept off balance
a momentary deflation
rebounding with
unknown but
epic skill power


Wax Power -- Poetry 2010

Dismayed party dudes reacting
to power company linemen’s estimate…
Ahhhhhhhhhh dang it all
echoed in an unnaturally dark street.
Hat lights and flashlights bobbing
battery beams brushed surroundings:
highlighting wet asphalt;
skimming across puddles;
dancing over slick sidewalks;
turning skyward and down
as the disappointed boys shuffled home.
Their “party house” was blessedly quiet…
no wailing guitars invaded a powerless night;
no pounding drum or raucous giggles
reverberated off house exteriors tonight…
Tree limb meeting the transformer gave
a candle illuminated respite to their neighbors…


Tribulations -- Poetry 2010

Tears try to drip
following precipitations
outward pouring.
Mood descends
to mirthless gray -
Laughable predicament
hearing mind reiterate:
you’ll always be alone;
Rewinding to:
you’ll never be “together;
never part of a couple;
destined to be one.
avoiding perceived threat…
Returning to peer vicariously
at the few who made it work…


Murmurs -- Poetry 2010

inspiring words
all lost
to tinnitus…


Saturday, November 6, 2010

Aborn Road -- Poetry 2010

the gravel road
turning at the “y”
new houses?
a country store?
wandering on foot
greeting residents
so late for work
No phone
circling around
you can never go back
even in dreams…


Friday, November 5, 2010

Don’t Care -- Poetry 2010

I care so much
that I don’t care;
Burdens of the world
make mine insignificant…
Can’t carry the weight
of more problems.
Shoulders rounded,
head bowed,
my voice counts
needs to be heard;
every voice counts
needs to be heard…
strained voices
amplified discomfort
worried for hope
murmur please…


Loose Change -- Poetry 2010

Lost your mind
always being a hero;
wanting to be on a pedestal.
Yet your life began when
discovering the limits of loneliness.
Ego perch was too small for
making the impossible possible;
presenting arrogance procured
getting your unfavorable reputation
which sometimes comes at a price.
People shied away from working with you.
You’re the glitch…
you’re the stuck gear…
you’re the screw up.
Everyone worked around you for ages;
ignored your walking through fire;
ignored you coming out fighting.
This style was not to be work-around-able this time.
letting everyone know that you’re not perfect or
ashamed of your failures came too late.
People were tired of being your stepping stones.
Put away your cape, tights, hero attitude,
you’re as ordinary as a pocketful of change-
not worth more than one either…


Thursday, November 4, 2010

Corn Patch -- Poetry 2010

Kneading bread dough
cow’s in the corn, maw…
towel over rounded dough.
grabbing an umbrella,
stealth approach
confronting enemy
eating ears of corn
brown eyed Guernsey
stalks trampled flat
umbrella snapped open
cow bellowed
maw shrieked
serious speed
in opposite directions

Poem inspired by proverb of the week:
Bíonn gach duine go lách go dtéann bó ina gharraí.
Everybody is good natured until a cow goes into his garden.
Which reminded me of my Dad telling about how his “Maw”
went after the neighbors escaped cow in their corn garden.

Enchantress -- Poetry 2010

Frigidly independent
heart mind resigned
to cloaked emotions
riding piggy back:
evolving joy to sorrow
pulsing love to hate
radiating light to dark
meandering positive
wandering negative
a solicitous sojourn
ending in solitude
contemplating empathy
cynically commiserating
disproportionate amounts
of chaos laced life…
an enchantress’s lament


Fall Daylight Savings Time -- Poetry 2010

waiting on a power cord
to manifest ideas,
the quest: more
amazing days in a row;
don't believe me…
I don't even know
what to do with myself
to celebrate this gift
of extra time…
falling forward Saturday
night or Sunday morning.
certified night owl, I
consider 2 am to be part
of the previous day…
an extra hour of delightful
night to quietly dance
zipping through my art
to do list… shorter days;
more quiet dark hours!


Ley Lines -- Poetry 2010

Luminescent orb
drizzled awkwardly
in fits and starts;
a broken beam
delinquent of power
slipped unconscious
to fertile forest floor.
absorbing ley line
drifting upward
matching star’s glow;
cavorting tree to tree
until fizzling awkwardly
in fits and starts
to slip unconscious
into the earth…


Descent -- Poetry 2010

After you’ve gone
Its harder to find
A metric ton of darkness
inhibits movement;
Chains of disbelief
inhabit the mind;
Rust clouds vision.
Despair squints
for a stray ray
of hope…


Wednesday, November 3, 2010

Lost & Found -- Poetry 2010

Found my eyes
Sitting on the rain barrel
Lost them mid summer
While doing yard work

Without me they
Watched sunrise
Watched sunsets
Watched stars at night

Found them mid fall
While doing yard work
Reflecting Indian Summer


Tuesday, November 2, 2010

Ask anybody -- Poetry 2010

What would you
like to see?
ill omens
symbols of evil and death.
Maybe I can connect
the dots so you can.
Too heavy duty? Too dark…
OK, how about a flying turtle
and a dog that speaks French.
What a dolt if you believe
I could do that…
You heard me…
That’s right…
drop the magical thinking;
get out of your pretend world,
it doesn’t make sense.
Ask anybody…
magic is not real;
illusion is real…


Mockery -- Poetry 2010

no reward for breaking free
no acknowledgement for change
held back by perceived notions
desiring status quo
fearing unconventional
fearing loosing her
mocking a stab at independence
friends sabotaged her chances
pulled her back into their fold
away from clever, bright and bold…

regressing to wallflower shy
numb by their convention
opinions fermented to rot
unable to speak her mind
she became more normal
dumb-ed down, flat, bland
slowly sinking into oblivion
excessive weight returned
resembling her friends’ plain
Jane style, looks, mind set…
a mockery of glimpsed potential…


Contact -- Poetry 2010

deprecating denial
blame oozed
soaking surroundings
distasteful primordial slim
destined for evolution
mutated rapidly
soured outlooks
contaminated being
bitter and black
her mouth bled hate
toward anyone
that came in contact…


Monday, November 1, 2010

not transitional -- Poetry 2010

burnt out emotionally,
she had just turned 21
when her soul withdrew…
worthless as a penny
her functioning body
ticking off “to-do” list
of daily routine drudgery;
running on automatic,
mindless tasks fill her
seconds, minutes, hours.
An apathetic machine
programmed to complete
her allotted time…