Monday, October 31, 2011

Racing -- Poetry 2011

Does a falling star

know its dying?

Lost its place

in the galaxy…

it plummets out of synch

racing towards non existence

coated in wishes from below.


here's a critque list garnered from different sites....

Title – appropriate to subject, tone, and genre?

                Does it generate interest

hint at what poems is about?

Subject – what’s the basic situation?

                story interesting

                Who is talking and under circumstance

                [try writing a paraphrase to identify any gaps or confusions.]

shape – what are you appealing to: intellect or  emotions of the reader?

Structure – progression



                Bald assertions

                Are these aspects satisfying integrated?

                Does structure support context?

Tone – what’s your attitude to the subject?

                Is it appropriate to content and audience





Word choice

                Appropriate and uncontrived




                Do you understand each word properly, its common uses and associations?

                Verbs appropriate

                [See if listing the verbs really pushes the poem a long]

                Are words repeated?

                Words set:


                                Emotional rapport


                language sufficiently poetic

poetic techniques contribute to – or detract from – the success of the piece

(e.g. alliteration, onomatopoeia, symbolism, rhyme)


                                Striking but persuasive

                                Adds to unity and power

Metaphor and smile

                                Fresh and convincing

                                Combining on many levels

Rhythm and metre



                                Integrate poem’s structure


poem any good?

more like prose than poetry
is it too long?
Is one section redundant

Is repetition used to good effect or is it a distraction? And that's not simply using the same words but expressing the same idea(s) but in different words.

  • Does the poem rely heavily on clichés or out-of-date and hackneyed expressions?
  • Who's the poem's target audience?
  • Is it relevant?
  • Does the work use esoteric terminology or require specialist knowledge?

  • Plot
  • Characters
  • Action
  • Dialogue
  • Background
  • Theme
  • Spelling, grammar, punctuation

  • Originality
  • Communication of Theme

I found this fun list on Author's Den. The author says of it: "I chose the letter 'I' to do this to remind us all that poetry is subjective and so is a critique."

Insight: A poem will often give us insight into a person's thoughts. What does this poem tell you about the poet?

Interpretation: What was your interpretation of the poem? What do you believe the poet meant for you to interpret?

Impact: How did the poem influence you? What impact did it have upon you? Describe from your own perspective remembering that this might not have been what the poet intended. Ideas Comment upon the ideas used. Was the poet original?

Sunday, October 30, 2011

You know -- Poetry 2011

It was eventually

on your behalf.


Always wondered…

did you think of these ideas?

They were uninspiring intentions

deceiving common sense;

a trick and treat incident that

hasn't been seen in years.

Very incommunicative trauma…

What to do?


Saturday, October 29, 2011

Tattoo -- Poetry 2011

Find any obvious signs?

Don’t have to look hard:

gender bias,

weight bias,

age bias…

what a bummer.

Assume you will have bias

dance across your path:

white hair,


low income,

worn clothing,


makes me grouchy.

Perhaps a little tattoo

on the right  palm:


and on the Left:

Be Nice…


Friday, October 28, 2011

Wonder -- Poetry 2011

Hadn't been able

to find any obvious signs -

naïve and so full of love.

Bound to happen, others said.

Mentally, physically and spiritually

forget about this one…

Mixing messages covered tracks – you had

no trouble finding someone else to love.

Always wondered - why weren’t you honest?


Thursday, October 27, 2011

Reach -- Poetry 2011

Reaching out…


arms empty

return to sides.

Heart chakra

burns to black.


Wednesday, October 26, 2011

Song -- Poetry 2011

Punched out;

I’m gone.

Toying with the idea:

writing a song.

A song of soul

sounding  an ohm

because spirit will

die without it.

But you?

The puncher…

first two times

you butchered mine;

I left

before the third.

Have you written a song?


Tuesday, October 25, 2011

Colors -- Poetry 2011

This adult unknown rattled nerves…

where was the support of childhood?

Day dreaming, imagining being held

in parental arms – a toddler again –

viewing the world from above – safe.

Alive in this cooling time of missed cuddles,

former touches that soothed, once brightly

colored, there was no replication for this loss.

Skin ached for a kind touch because no

companion or lover shared this flagging trek.

Once bright colors bled turning to mud...


Monday, October 24, 2011

Sleepy Seeds -- Poetry 2011

Go to work in the dark,

come home in the dark, I'm tired...

Weird dreams lately,

unusually weird for me –

No 9 to 5 enslaves me.

More work dreams tonight?

Late, berated, anxious   -

the sandman cometh…


Sunday, October 23, 2011

But -- Poetry 2011

Caught in throat…

nothing to cough up,

tight so damn tight.

Momentary stifling:

nothing but silence,

nothing but a sigh,

nothing left but

stinging eyes,

vacuous stare,

hoarse throat…


To Page -- Poetry 2011

Obsessed  with writing;

wriggled loops and lines

write existence out.

Pen grabs thought

clearing away distress;

degrees of self-emulation

cling to old wounds.

Satin ribbons of ink bind

hurts;  tying incessant words

exercising defaults to page

word by word…


Saturday, October 22, 2011

Basic rhythm -- Poetry 2011

Listen to the beat -

basic rhythm as

aging heart thumps.

Prior ragged intrusion…

sharpest barb mocked love.

After all these years

still beating but hollow…


Blending -- Poetry 2011

I have things brewing in the air

after a hell of being stuck creatively

but nothing is set in glitter…

it's a drizzmal day in Oly – total gray.

Pallid gray upon whiskered gray…

skies, road, mist blending together

without benefit of a value scale.

Where is the tonal range to give depth

to this rainstorm conversion of pacific

moisture drifting over land mass?

Squeezing tubes of acrylic, smearing

onto canvas, spattering wildly puts

external color back into internal focus…


Friday, October 21, 2011

Far from Mute -- Poetry 2011


obnoxious advertisement…


hard sell featuring products;


items one can’t live without.


moving from channel to channel ;


past meaningless programs.

Click, click, click…

seconds pass;

click, click, click…

curiosity brings the cat.


kills TV power;


purr, purring…


Thursday, October 20, 2011

Scrawl -- Poetry 2011

First mark

breaking white.

Eye follows pencil point

leading it astray

across unknown territory.

From eye to hand

undiscovered revelations

in the first scrawl…


Wednesday, October 19, 2011

Life as is -- Poetry 2011

Many miles of daydreams under my feet…

ambient colors swirl reflecting sterling outcomes

where I thrive perpetually landing on my feet.

Not a rescuer, a whiner, or a complainer…

captivating, creative, self-assured moving

through calamitous catastrophes with ease,

spotting smooth tongued users, and others

who take pride in victimizing the naive.

When I feel strong I live in the real world…


Tuesday, October 18, 2011

All the While -- Poetry 2011

Maybe it was me

who was imaginary.

Not quite touching down

heel to toe on solid surfaces.

Not quite seeing past rainbows

tethered with filigree filament.

Floating in a vaporous bubble

never really conscious;

memorized script replaying,

never leaving static dreams.

all the while over under-optimistic…

then I realized I was somebody.


Monday, October 17, 2011

Spinning -- Poetry 2011

Checking the state of my being…

not going to make a formal announcement.

Just a routine question; how’s it going self?

Not sure self will bother to reply…

too busy with internal functioning,

all systems going as directed despite

serendipity of external complexities.

I guess I am master of my infamous fate;

a daily roulette wheel of choices

spinning, spinning, spinning…


Sunday, October 16, 2011

Resetting default… -- Poetry 2011

Wish it were as easy as computer makes it -

a few mouse movements  and  a click or two.

Which default would I choose to un-default…

hate to admit it, there are several to choose from.

At this age, I can see them clearly; understandably,

I’ve lived with them long enough.

It’s all what one becomes used to;

with cursor hovering  over set-as-default,

I double click that mouse…


Saturday, October 15, 2011

Succinct -- Poetry 2011

Just need to paint,

just need to restore succinct

faith in the world right now;

private thoughts too loud

disrupt auric balance.

Winter dampness envelopes;

its gray is somewhat comforting.

Brash colors of summer turned

fall decay to earth neutrals

restoring nutrients to soil

via the earth worm bin.

Umber, ocher, burnt sienna

spread over bright white substrate

drawing moisture into pores;

leaving behind worldly stuff,

not every death is mourned.


Friday, October 14, 2011

Escapee -- Poetry 2011

No insight for insinuating sighs

sneaking loudly into the ether.

The ad for TV news said breaking

news can happen at any time…

breaking sighs happen anytime too.

Nothing much has changed:

daylight shortens, well it’s fall; rain

storms pour in on cue – it’s mid-October.

Same old same old, prepare yard for

winter, put the raised beds to sleep, clear

leaves… all those yard chores to do -

routine movements when mind can wander.

In general too many "users" out there;

longing for a relationship can be dangerous...

it can easily makes one into an idiot at times.
Inhale and sigh, another escapee...


Thursday, October 13, 2011

Misnomer -- Poetry 2011

Having stopped at kissing six toads, frogs

or other amphibian types, she had given

up her quest to find a committed partner.

Most of her life went past without even

a male friend. Her few encounters were fraught

with being used by her encountered selections.

Spiraling from embedded childhood habit gained

from the nastiest swamp inhabitant - a slippery

water moccasin of a brother; chance not a choice.

Fond of most reptiles and amphibians, she hated

to give a bad name to this group, evoke age-old

negative aspects just because of her brother.

His influence had tainted any future interactions

with the opposite sex – an inner voice assured her:

it’s all what you habitually hold dear; whether you

realize it or not, it seems safer than unknown good.

Speculation about attributes of higher members

of the food chain left her in doubt of ever finding

that elusive life partner; at least she was savvy

enough not to invoke the misnomer of “soul mate..


Wednesday, October 12, 2011

Luck -- Poetry 2011

Could detach


let it die;

evoke it later.

Seriously sighing…

wanting anything

to infuse advantage,

to push luck

wanting something.

That’s the secret

excuse to wear

revealing things.

Pushing mind

realizes truth

written with luck


Tuesday, October 11, 2011

Always… -- Poetry 2011

I feel sorry for the early worms…

third winter storm flushes them out

leaving them stranded on cement or asphalt.

Checking the mail, I avoid the soggy

mass of leaves and pine needles;

each advancing deluge pushes the mush

further down the road toward the drain.

Hope none of the neighbors see me gently

scooping water weary earthworms from

hard surfaces or depreciating organic material.

Perhaps nooks beneath the shrubs will

stave off their drowning in saturated soil.

Once a rescuer, always a rescuer...


Monday, October 10, 2011

Responsibility -- Poetry 2011

And then

and then…

I woke up at 7,

had my coffee,

my bowl of cereal

and wanted to go

right back to sleep.

Tossed turnings…



sense of dread

and desire to avoid


Perhaps if dread

and desire get

together, they

would balance

each other out.

And then

and then…

I can avoid


sleepless nights,

and tossing turns…


Sunday, October 9, 2011

Issues-- Poetry 2011

A panoramic view to begin the adventure…

can you still see with the eyes of a child?

A village full of rainbows and unicorns and

sparkling sunlight bouncing off turquoise waters…

don’t forget the super awesome friends.

Some friends were invisible; most were cousins.

Imagination – sugar candy coating banished

childhood boogie men; trapped in toffee, buried

in swirled color until dissolved by stomach acid

reappearing as adult convoluted issues…


Saturday, October 8, 2011

Motions -- Poetry 2011

Art loaded into car,

all the accouterments,

fall arts walk…

without enthusiasm,

another thing to get through.

Without flair,

worn and dumpy,

she’d smile

sitting behind her art

going through the motions.


Friday, October 7, 2011

OK, I suppose --- Poetry 2011

 Ranting arm chair judging

pristine example of dumb.

Slurping her cocoa laced with Bailey’s,

certainly deserves an award.

Avoiding actual interaction,

pin a blue ribbon on.

Commenting to her favorite reality show,

You are sooooo dumb….

Wishing she could comment on family reality,

What are you thinking you drip?

Hollering inanity at the TV was much safer…


Thursday, October 6, 2011

Procrastination -- Poetry 2011

Paper heap coats desk top;

insulating mound of miscellaneous

is better than the bare wood

according to the cat sprawled on top.

Sighs accompany the weekly sort;

growls emanate as paper is pulled

out from under the reclined form.

Perhaps this chore needs to be done later;

procrastination wins out over advancing sharp claws…


Wednesday, October 5, 2011

Relative Wisdom - Poetry 2011

Holding words close to her heart, she harbored

a deliberate determination to hold them tight.

Sharing only when necessary, she preferred mute

observation to excessive effluence.

Not that she was or wanted to be profound;

no one would find her in Bartlett’s Book of Quotations.

When she was gone – she would be gone, leaving no

lasting crone dispensations regarding relative wisdom… 


Drawing Memory -- Poetry 2011

Rain clouds blown by wind

close down evening light;

your image is as gray and hazy.

Scent and voice dissipated first;

once clear memories disappeared,

photographs and a few selected

objects: a handwritten grocery

list, favorite hat, and the old draw

blade remain a restoration imprint.


Out of atonement -- Poetry 2011

Perpetual habits held

a routine orbit;

she was the sun…

habits were planets.

Seasonal constellations

spun past lacking involvement.

This habitual attire was

impossible to eradicate.



reclaimed every morning

without celestial involvement

forever out of atonement.